Why Are We Shaming Ourselves and Others?
Can We Love Our Bodies For Health’s Sake!
Do you consider yourself as someone who “body shames” or maybe you know others who do? Are you thinking, “No, that’s not me!” Even if you are not the one who outwardly says, “Oh, look at her! How can she be wearing that?!”, check your thoughts? Does it even cross your mind? Even the slightest?
I’m not blaming you. I’m bringing it to your attention to heighten our awareness of this serious issue. This concept of ‘body shaming’ has become such a part of our society and ‘norm’ that most of the times it goes undetected, unnoticed, unconscious. Therefore, first of all, we have to bring our intentional awareness and consciousness to the issue in order to resolve it. It will not go away otherwise. As with all things, by dissecting it and looking squarely at its parts, its origin, its feel and flavor, we can get underneath, around and through it. And what is at stake? Why bother with this one when there are so many ‘issues’ to deal with? This is in fact an insidious part of our health crisis and preventing us from dealing with the underlying issues, directly negatively impacting our health and mental well being.
Why don’t we love ourselves and our bodies and everything that comes with it? What would it take to get there?
When did “body shaming” or “fat shaming” become a “thing” as we know it today? A term that people use, an accepted way of talking to and about people? Any guess? Have you ever considered it? I had to look it up as well and found out that our modern day “fat shaming” culture noticeably started around mid-19th century, although I’m sure the ‘origins’ so back my further than that. http://www.ibtimes.com/fat-shaming-body-shaming-history-author-talks-thigh-gaps-dad-bods-why-we-hate-fat-1942189 What’s my point, you may ask? “What does this have to do with how I view and talk about my own and other people’s bodies?” What does that have to do with the barrage of messages young girls and boys are getting from their parents, peers and other regularly to this day. http://www.upworthy.com/a-viral-and-heartbreaking-hashtag-proves-body-shaming-starts-early-for-women?c=reccon3 Everything.
Body and fat shaming has nothing to do with actual health, and in fact is very much promotes the opposite. It is certainly not needed and it is very harmful. One thing is for sure and noteworthy: the more shame someone feels about their weight, the more harm it can cause them https://authoritynutrition.com/fat-shaming-makes-things-worse/. It is not part of a weight loss plan to say “look at how fat I am” every day in the mirror. Stop that. This is about saying it once, if that (yes, acknowledging “what is” is a needed part of any progress) and then affirming in every way shape and form, “I love myself and my body”. It is only with LOVE that anything heals. Nothing changes for real with shame and guilt at its root. In fact, body image and actual body size are often not be the same at all https://www.emaxhealth.com/12410/how-your-weight-and-self-esteem-are-linked , as we may well know. The way we feel, rather than our ‘actual size’ is what has the greater impact on our physical, mental and emotional health. Did you know that around 8 million people reportedly suffer from eating disorders? https://www.anred.com/stats.html Shaming and feeling guilty about any part of ourselves is probably like having 10 donuts, daily. I’m just estimating here! Isn’t that how heavy a weight shame and guilt can feel, though? We all have been or are there. No one is exempt from this in our culture as it is so pervasive and now infiltrating our children’s generation in serious ways. It must stop.
We must learn to stop body shaming, ourselves and others, first and foremost for your own health and wellbeing. Let’s learn to love the body you are in regardless of the shape it’s in. There are many reasons for our physical shape, and if we truly want it to change, let’s love ourselves through it. It is just as much a social construct as, well, computers or anything else that has become such a part of the culture that we hardly realize it’s there anymore. It is just that: a ‘construct’, as with most (all?!) concepts we operate under.
We must remember that every culture and generation has it’s own ‘preferences’ and ‘status quo’ based on whatever seems to fit into the environment at that time. In many ways, it seems to change with the way the wind blows. Sure there are reasons for why the ‘status quo’ is such, but that doesn’t make them ‘real’. It is just as much a social construct as, well, computers or anything else that has become such a part of the culture that we hardly realize it’s there anymore. It is just that: a ‘construct’, as with most (all?!) concepts we operate under.
Moreover, we do not have the moral authority just because we call ourselves ‘civilized society’, as you may well know. Body shaming is a moral and healthy issue https://commonreader.wustl.edu/c/fat-chance/ . It is a social bullying, whether it’s directed inwardly or outwardly. There is no difference. You can’t hide and say “I don’t do it to myself”. The effects are felt around you regardless. No one is an island. What you do INSIDE yourself MATTERS as much as what you do outside of yourself. Understand that how you love and care for YOU MATTERS.
Just like all ‘social norms’, they come and go and so will this. Try not to take it so seriously. That’s extremely hard to do for people that are on the receiving end of such bullying. It very often has deep and wounding consequences. It is important to remember also that our body image and feelings, often trace back to other things that shaped how we feel in and about our bodies. The telling interview with the daring author Roxanne Gay revealed some of her challenges with this painful subject in your new book “Hunger”. http://www.npr.org/2017/06/19/533515895/be-bigger-fight-harder-roxane-gay-on-a-lifetime-of-hunger Whatever the cause or circumstances, the sense of shame over one’s body cuts very deep and affects every part of someone’s life, until we deal with it!
While we can’t always stop the external bullying directly, we can begin to do what we can to quiet the internal voices, rendering the external ones less harmful. Our internal voices often cause the most lasting and devastating consequences anyhow. https://www.emaxhealth.com/12410/how-your-weight-and-self-esteem-are-linked
I had the privileged and grateful experience of being taught while in high school how to deconstruct society's messages about body image. A powerful women’s group I was a part of discussed how most, if not all of the images we see of women, and men, are ‘photo shopped’. We watched a video documenting the changing face (and bodies) of women over the years and how we started accepting what we see in magazines and other media as the ‘norm’, ‘good’, and ‘healthy’. This really helped me to depersonalize all the messages from society about how I “should look”, although of course it comes up in me still. I have to remind myself almost daily that I’m ok as I am. We must teach our children, and yes, ourselves, these same things. We must use positive role models and mentors to help us see past the hype and embase ourselves for who we are, regardless of what we look like. Here is one site I found that is working on just that. http://www.justsayyes.org/topics/self-image-media-influences/
When are we take back our own sense of self-acceptance, we feel more empowered, free, alive and truly give ourselves the chance to be healthy. It will not happen through shaming. Shaming is never a motivation to change in a positive direction. It has the opposite effect of producing more of the negative result we were afraid of in the first place. Look at and feel the shame with help so you can release it. It is paralyzing and stifling you in ways you are not even aware of.
When are we going to stop body shaming ourselves? We need to begin stopping it now. Start loving yourself just as you are. If you want to ‘change’ something about yourself, go for it. It certainly doesn’t require shame to accomplish that. Learn what you need to do to get to your goal, make a plan and get help along the way. Like a business, financial or any life goal. Find out what the steps are to get there, and do that. The guilt and shame around feeling like you ‘can’t’ or ‘aren’t good enough for it’ or any of the other destructive self-critical statements are walls in the way of the goal, not steps. Break them down and push them aside. Love is what motivates and propels people to accomplish what they really want. Love first.
Yes, it’s a process. Changing any habit, especially deeply ingrained subconscious ones, take effort. It will not happen on its own. It begins by simply wanting to.
Guest Contributor: Mira Danyel Brisk
Contact : https://www.facebook.com/Back2BasiksWellness
